


Irreplaceable

by bubblylemon



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Disassociation, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing Prompt, Mental Health Issues, Trauma Recovery, being the rose bride is Bad guys, references to canonical traumatic events, sometimes things arent okay and thats okay, utena and anthy have Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 05:28:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20270725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblylemon/pseuds/bubblylemon
Summary: “…It was such a nice vase, wasn’t it, Utena…?”Some days are better than others.





	Irreplaceable

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: kiss out of spite/ with utena/anthy
> 
> First thing Ive written in yeaaaars, probably garbo but im glad i did it

Sometimes, Anthy missed those days. The days when she was safe behind a plastic smile and a flash of her glasses, when she was unnoticed, alone in the sanctity of her garden, when all that was expected of her was simple, unyielding obedience.

Today was one of those times.

“Anthy…? Are you… okay?”

Anthy dully registers the warm clasp of a hand on her shoulder, blue eyes leveled directly at her, peering, _invading _ her gaze. It’s too bright. She has to look away or she’ll be blinded.

She’s made quite the mess hasn’t she…? To the right of her, the vase Utena had gotten her as a Christmas present lies shattered on the floor, what water had remained in it seeps into the carpet, the red roses growing in it left to wilt and die on the floor.

It’s a shame really. It was such a pretty vase, such a nice shade of green. On particularly troubling days, tending to the flowers inside had brought her a sense of familiarity, of almost numb tranquility.

It really was a shame that she had flung that vase at the wall to shatter, in a fit of...something.

It was especially a shame that she hadn’t had enough time to clean it up, to stew in a sense of bitterness alone before re-equipping that smile and going about her day. Maybe Utena would’ve tried to teach her to cook again. That was always amusing. Maybe this time they’d try omelets?

But she had just sat and stared at the carpet, at the mess she made, and before she knew it, Utena was home, and _in her face, _ and why, why, _why_, wasn’t she angry? Everything would have been easier if she was angry. Bitterness swells in her stomach as Utena looks at her with concern in those eyes, with that pitying look and Anthy can’t take it anymore.

So like any normal, completely sane person does when they’re having a breakdown, she kisses her.

It’s rather chaste, all things considered. For a moment she relishes in the surprise overtaking those bright blue eyes, how Utena stiffens like a board against the vice-like grip that she’s established on her shoulders. She deepens the kiss, leaning closer to Utena and something within her crows, laughs.

_Now you’re not the one in control. I am. _

The feeling leaves as quickly as it came and is replaced with a deep shame. She pulls away. She’s horrible, for feeling like this. For using Utena. For breaking such a nice vase. Was Utena really that dense, or naïve, to put up with her? To try and understand someone so fundamentally warped? No one could understand her, no one, so why, _why_-

“Anthy.”

Anthy doesn’t meet her gaze, doesn’t look up. She’s afraid of what she’ll see, instead choosing to slump her head onto Utena’s shoulder. Dainty hands rise to stroke at her hair.

“It’s okay, Anthy.” Her voice is low, soothing and part of Anthy wants to yell at her, tell her: Don’t pet me like I’m some sort of animal- but that passes as quickly as it came.

Anthy squeezes her eyes shut.

“…It was such a nice vase, wasn’t it, Utena…?

Utena leans in to rest her cheek against Anthy’s. For once, Anthy doesn’t draw away from the comfort.

“It’s okay Anthy”, She murmurs. “We’ll just have to get it fixed.”

“Some things… Some things can’t be repaired, Utena.”

“Some things… are just best left broken.”

Utena says nothing. Anthy continues, her voice low, almost threatening.

“And you know what’s best done with broken things… Don’t you, Utena-sama?”

A deep inhale of breath by her ear. Utena’s hands have long since stopped stroking her hair. She almost misses it.

Utena leans back, squaring her gaze directly with Anthy’s. They’re directly across from each other now, face to face. Determination shines brightly in those eyes. It’s blinding, more terrifying than ever, but for some reason Anthy can’t drag her gaze away.

“I do actually.”

Their eye contact remains unbroken.

“Those things… er… If they want to of course, we’ll work on fixing them… together.”

Utena falters, leaning back to sheepishly scratch at her head. She looks at Anthy, of all people, for… reassurance…?

“Or we don’t! Maybe they aren’t broken, maybe they’re just a little… a little…”

She pauses. Intakes a breath.

“ Nothing is ever broken, not really.”

And she smiles.

“I love you, Anthy.”

And for a second, Anthy can’t breathe, can’t move. She can’t do anything but stare, wide-eyed like a frightened animal at Utena’s face.

She has to do something, _anything_, to escape this situation.  
So she smiles.

“So silly…. Are we not just talking about vases….?” Her voice comes out steadier than she thought. She’s almost proud.

Utena doesn’t take the bait.

“We’re talking about whatever you want it to be, Anthy.”

A watery chuckle, yet Anthy's face betrays nothing.

“Alright then… let’s clean up, Utena.” Anthy allows her smile to soften as she breaks their intense eye contact and rises up from the floor.

“Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> feedback is really appreciated!! this is the first thing ive written in a longass time but i had a great time writing for characters i love so much. this fandom is the best


End file.
